Next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s rear came up with it The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates Why did…
We have all done this. Gone into a public bathroom and while sitting there, read the walls. Most of the stuff is silly or love stories. Billy loves Edna. Sally. Megan. F*ck You, Billy , Sally. For a good time call 555-665-7890. There are disturbing declarations like Jesus is watching or I am going to kill Billy or Edna can kiss my ass. There are the…
So yesterday I bought some rocks to put into my potted plants to thwart the squirrels who do not understand that I really do not want them to bury all their things in my yard and especially in my potted trees. That the Baby Meyer Lemon and Mandarin trees do not need a nice peanut to keep their roots company. Which…
This is just a small sampling of some of the folks who created the voices of your favorite cartoon characters.
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.” 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..” 3….
Actual statements made in court … Judge: I know you, don’t I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From a defendant representing himself… Defendant: Did…
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? “Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other.” (Judy, 8) “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5) WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? “On the first date, they just tell…
Jack caught a bus back to the city, and showed up for work the next day, little worse for the wear and with a story about getting lost in the desert and walking back out. Within a couple of days Jack had talked a friend with a tow truck into going back out into the desert with him to fetch…
Jack sat down, well back from the lever. He looked thoughtful and puzzled at the same time. After a bit, he said, “So this makes me the Judge of humanity? I get to decide whether they keep going or just end? Me?” “That seems to be it,” agreed Nate. “What kind of criteria do I use to decide?” said Jack….
“Yeah, right. So, tell me all of these wonderful secrets that I now qualify to hear,” answered Jack. “Ok,” said Nate. “Do you want to ask questions first, or do you want me to just start talking?” “Just talk,” said Jack. “I’ll sit here and try to not think about food.” “We could go try to rustle up some food…
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