If Dr Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation
If Dr Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation
by Dave Fuller
- Picard:
- Sigma Indri, that’s the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far? - Data:
- Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We’ll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive? - Picard:
- LaForge, please give us factor nine.
- LaForge:
- But, sir, the engines are offline!
- Picard:
- Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so! - Riker:
- But sir, if Geordi says we can’t,
We can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t,
The danger here is far too great! - Picard:
- But surely we must not be late!
- Troi:
- I’m sensing anger and great ire.
- Computer:
- Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!
- Picard:
- The ship’s on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire? - Riker:
- Not me.
- Worf:
- Not me.
- Picard:
- Computer, how long til we die?
- Computer:
- Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
- Data:
- May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems… - Geordi:
- Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! - Picard:
- Mr. Data, thank you much.
You’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such. - Troi:
- We still must save the Indran planet —
- Data:
- Which (by the way) is made of granite…
- Picard:
- Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand — we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. - Geordi:
- There’s sabotage among the wires
And that’s what started all the fires. - Riker:
- We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go! - Troi:
- We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why? - Worf:
- Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental. - Troi:
- Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they’ve been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven’t even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do? - Crusher:
- Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, “Help us, clothe us, feed us!”
I can’t just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt — MUST try! - Picard:
- Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.
- Crusher:
- They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
- Worf:
- The saboteur is in the brig.
He’s very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun —
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm. - Picard:
- Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph? - Worf:
- I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw — quite squarely. - Riker:
- My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end! - Crusher:
- Now let’s get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky! - Picard:
- LaForge, please tell me we can go…?
- Geordi:
- Yes, sir, we can.
- Picard:
- Then make it so!
