Smoke Free 30 days

Well who would have thought. I have been smoke-free for 30 days. 30 days ago if you asked me if I could put down the cigarettes for this long I would have said “No, I can barely put them down for one day.” And that is exactly how I got here. Just getting through each day, sometimes getting through each minute of each day, but getting through just one day. Do that long enough you get 30 days in, eh?
I have also “stepped down” on my nicotine patch and lozenges. The lozenges first, then the patch a couple of days later. I am now using the 2mg instead of the 4 mg.  I am going through withdrawals again. I did not expect that, the withdrawals, when I stepped down. I do not know why I didn’t expect, should have, but I didn’t and it surprised me. I have turned into the a raving bitch. The first three weeks of non-smoking I was pathetic, now I am just a bitch. So much so that I have managed to push away some of my biggest supporters. I can honestly say, I do not intend to be a crazy person. Shit comes out of my  mouth or out of my fingers as I type and then my brain says, what the hell are you doing? This post even, has had the majority of what I typed deleted. It was honest but not nice. I can be honest without those sentences. In my defense, some people who have withdrawn support didn’t understand that this whole quit smoking thing was not gonna be all better after a week or so. It is sad to lose friends like that.
The cravings are a lot less. They are still there but not as bad and not so often. I still have some crazy thoughts and my brain is still trying to trick me into smoking. The other day I totally forgot that I quit smoking. Went looking for my pack of cigarettes and it took a bit before I remembered I didn’t smoke anymore. I have no idea what THAT was all about. It was actually a bit humorous. It happened the other night as well. As I started to drift off, I got a little rush of excitement thinking that ..well my actual thought was “Oh good, tomorrow I can smoke.” So there is proof that the whole quit smoking thing can make one nuts, crazy, off their rockers.
I am also upset that I am not really breathing better. I had a week or so of breathing well and having lots of energy, but the COPD has kicked my ass again. I have been really going through some tough stuff, trying to breath and having to use ALL the drugs I have. That is disheartening to me because I truly want to be off the drugs and be awake for my life. I have been told to be patient, it will happen. my doctor thinks I am doing fabulous. I think I want to be better RIGHT NOW. Patience really isn’t my thing.
A real good thing happened though. As some of you who read my other posts know, I went on a driving vacation up through Northern California, along the coast.  I used to go on vacations and plan it so that I could stop to have a cigarette. Had to plan it out and tried not to be bothersome to my traveling companion. This time, when we stopped, it was because I had to use the restroom or because I wanted to see something closer. It was great. Never even crossed my mind to stop for a cigarette. I completely enjoyed my vacation and saw stuff that was on my bucket list.


DISCLAIMER: These posts are nothing more than chronicling my efforts to quit smoking. Anything I write is nothing more than my way of doing so and my feelings associated with those efforts. If you are inspired to quit smoking by anything, you read here, please see a doctor and follow their instructions. I, in no way, am suggesting or recommending anything as means of smoke cessation.

2 thoughts on “Smoke Free 30 days”

  1. Elizabeth - July 17, 2012 7:19 pm

    Teresa, I’ve been following your blog for a little more than a month (right before your quit date). I just want to say thank you for writing about your experience. I found your blog by googling ‘quit smoking what am I afraid of?’ and your writings put words to my anxiety about quitting as well as my desires to quit. I totally get how crazy-making quitting is (I’ve tried three times, gone three weeks at the longest) and how I might not be acting like myself at all but not understanding how to control myself either. When I quit next I will read and re-read your posts. Thanks for saying it like it is, confusing/happy/difficult and everything else.

  2. T Whitaker - July 18, 2012 1:51 pm

    I am glad that you have the posts helpful. They have (as I am sure you can tell) help me as well. SO far I have remained smoke free. Many think I am a non-smoker but I truly do not feel that yet. I am also hope that if and when you decide to quit that you do read the posts and feel like you have a friend here who gets it. Please let me know!

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