Quitting Smoking 6/15/12

I bought a pack of cigarettes. I thought I had 10 but I had only five. I did not think I was going to make through the day with just five. So, I bought a pack. I had told myself yesterday that I was not going to do that, that I had bought my last pack. I even said on here that it was my last pack. I was wrong. I really started to beat myself up about then I remembered something. I remembered that stress is my worst enemy. I am the biggest supplier of stress. I can take myself from zero to 100 in under three s seconds, especially if I start telling myself what an idiot I am. Therefore, I stopped. I am not going to worry about it. Tomorrow is my quit day. I have enough stress about THAT. Actually what I am really feeling is a mixture of fear, nervousness and excitement.  Fear because I have failed so many times in the past, knowing that history can, and does repeat, afraid that I won’t be able to quit.  Nervousness because I am going to a class or workshop called freedom from tobacco ran by my health care provider. Although many see me as outgoing and fearless, I am quite shy when meeting new people. I tend to hold back until I get a “feel” for those around me. I am also nervous that the facilitator will call on me and I will say something that makes me look idiotic. Yep that is a real thing with me.  I am always nervous that the answer I give will be the wrong one. Silliness, in a setting such as that how could I be wrong?

Excitement. Yes, I am also excited. I want this to work.  Badly.  Well not actually. I do not want it to work badly, I want it to work well. I am one of those people who sit in meetings and become critical when others are being dumb (my opinion only) or the subject is presented by someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about. I made myself a promise to go tomorrow with the attitude that I will find something that is good, something that applies and ignore the rest. In other words, take the best leave the rest.

There was at no time any suggestion I use this workshop as my quit day. I did. It made sense to me to quit on a day where not only would I be learning how to stay stopped, but surrounded by others in the same situation. Others who could relate.  The added bonus is it is an all day workshop. It would not be easy for me to get a pack of cigarette, as it is usually not an item one finds in the hospital gift shop. It would require effort for me to get some and hopefully, that effort would give me time to think.

Well, tomorrow, the plan I have is to wake up, slap on that mega biggest dose I could find patch. Sit in bed to drink my coffee instead of the living room. Try not to be a total nut case and go to the workshop at 10 am. When I get back, I will, of course, put thoughts down here.


I have 1 day before my quit date




DISCLAIMER: These posts are nothing more than chronicling my efforts to quit smoking. Anything I write is nothing more than my way of doing so and my feelings associated with those efforts. If you are inspired to quit smoking by anything, you read here, please see a doctor and follow their instructions. I, in no way, am suggesting or recommending anything as means of smoke cessation.

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