OMG a blogpost! IKR? Yea I have not written in here in quite a while. I have many different reasons for that. Some of them totally suck, like I do not have my new logos ready. Some of the reasons are quite vague Writers’ Block. Some of the reasons are honest. I have not been feeling well, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. Yep it is true; I let my disease get hold of me.
I know, there are folks who say, don’t let your disease define you, you have the disease it doesn’t have you. They are right. I do try to remain positive and upbeat. I do all the things I need to do to give my lungs the best chance they have to work as well as they can. Got sick again, though. Twice . I was on the prednisone in June for a week or so, then had three weeks feeling ok and then went back on the prednisone. It kind of got me down. I don’t know why but I see having to use prednisone and the antibiotics, the getting sick as a failure. It got me down. Like way down. Like feeling like a sub par humanoid type down
The worst part for me is the weight gain. This go around I only gained three pounds. Previous times on prednisone I gained anywhere between 5 to 10 ponds. I have gained a lot of weight and not all of it is the ‘puffy”. I have to say prednisone, most of the times, makes me very very very hungry. It took a awhile but I figured out how to combat the hungries. The problem is, the damage is done. I am fat.
I broke down and cried this time at the doctors. I weighed 179. I have never been so big in my life. At first I was kinda mad at the disease. I mean two years ago I weight 110 pounds. I have gained 69 pounds. Dumb disease. Dumb Medicine. Yet, I am the one who puts the food in my mouth; I am the one who cannot control myself, meds or whatnot. I got down on me for being such a wussie, so weak. Lucky for me I had one of those epiphanies.
My doctor (who is not upset with my weight gain at all) sent me to a medical weight loss information meeting. This meeting was all about a weight loss program where you drink a shake 8 times a day for 16 weeks. Then you get one solid meal and day, all under a Doctor’s care. A little extreme but I was ready to go for it. Except I don’t qualify. Having to be on steroids and corticosteroids automatically disqualifies me. Dumb Medicine. Having lung disease and needing higher proteins levels and caloric intake also disqualifies me. I need a minimum of 1100 calories a day and this diet was 860. Dumb disease.
SO for the Epiphany thing. I was bummed out I could not do their program and lose weight. I mean really bummed out, then my husband said don’t worry about we will figure it out, there a thousand different programs. I sat, thought, and decided he was correct. There are indeed a thousand different programs and ways to lose weight. There is indeed. In fact I said to myself, “you know you quit drinking way back when, you quit smoking, there is no reason you can’t quit being fat. “
On Sunday, I started a program. I weighed 175 by my scale (coming of steroids does help lose weight for me) and I plan to lose 5 pounds in the next four weeks. I will keep you all updated and let us see how I do. No more being a victim of the fates here. Watch out life, here comes Teresa.