Non-Smoking 60 Days
Where I work there are two people who smoke. I guess, that is a fallacious statement. There are others who are employed there who smoke, but today I am concerned with only two of them. They both engage in behavior that I recognize. I have not been a non-smoker so long that I have forgotten what it was like! Only been around 8 weeks. Which is awesome, mind boggling even, but I am still a new non-smoker.
Anyway, back to my gals. The first one, C, is young and slightly dumb. There I go again. No, she isn’t really dumb, but she is young. When she first came to work for us she kept her cigarettes in her car. Break time would roll around and she would go out and get her smokes. If we happened to be going to the local coffee shop then we would have to wait for her. I used to bug her about keeping her cigarettes so far away. When I look back on it she was right, but I eventually convinced her to carry her cigarettes so I did not have to wait. I asked why she did this. Her answer was something along “Well no one else smokes and I do not want anyone to know.”
I remember doing that. Trying to hide my smoking. If I went somewhere where I could find no one else who was smoking, I would “hide” my smoking by going somewhere out of the way to smoke. Then in order to keep up “appearances” I would rush to a bathroom to wash my hands, put a mint in my mouth and spritz myself with the body spray iI always carried. It was much easier if there was another smoker at the same place. For some reason I no longer needed to hide (actually it felt like lurking). I could smoke with my new found smoking buddy and do so with confidence. No longer would I rush to hide my smoking. I would still wash my hands, but only if I used the restrooms. I would still use a breath mint but mostly because of habit. Come to think of it, since I quit smoking my breath mint consumption has dropped drastically.
The other gal is S. S was talking to me about quitting smoking. As I have stated here in this blog [read here], I do not know how to tell you how to quit smoking, I am not an expert at it by no means. I only know what has worked for me. I have been sharing what has worked for me with her. Only when she asks though, I honestly forget all about her until she says something. I encouraged her to read this blog. I do not know if she has or not. I listened to her. I told her why I quit and just generally encouraged her. S always starts the conversation with “I need to quit smoking.” When I ask her why, it is always for to please friends, family, save money, smell better. She gives me the entire list that is published on the quit smoking websites. I used to want to quit smoking for those reason too, it never worked, but I always felt like those were really good reasons to quit. They should be right? Never were.
She told me the other day that she quit smoking. That is exciting news for sure! I let her know that I was available if she need an ear. That I wasn’t going to lecture her, but I was around. She told me to just be aware that is why she is a bitchy. I understand that. Unfortunately, I haven’t heard anything more about it. I asked her, but she walked away. I am sure she just didnt hear me. She does, however, smell like smoke. I am pretty sure she did not quit for more than a day or two. That is really ok. I do know the feelings that goes along with that though. That feeling that you let everyone down, disappointed them. You did tell the whole world and it didn’t work. So now you beat yourself up, which stresses you out, which causes you to smoke more. Except you do it in hiding. For a while. Because you told all those people, you want a cigarette, but you don’t want to disappoint. So you hide it for a while.
Except, I am not smoking. I can see these behaviors from another point of view albeit a sympathetic view. It is strange. It also doesn’t work. I never thought of it before but one really smells when one smokes. I know people can smell the smoke, but smokers do not get how bad they really reek. I now know. As for the two gals. I am not really judging them, I am just observing. It seems to help me remain non-smoking. Especially since the last two days I have had horrible cravings. They come out of nowhere, they do not last but boy, oh boy am I glad I do not have easy access to cigarette and very easy access to friends.
DISCLAIMER: These posts are nothing more than chronicling my efforts to quit smoking. Anything I write is nothing more than my way of doing so and my feelings associated with those efforts. If you are inspired to quit smoking by anything, you read here, please see a doctor and follow their instructions. I, in no way, am suggesting or recommending anything as means of smoke cessation.