Elephant Jokes

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want. It can’t hear you.

Q: Why do elephants stand on marshmallows?
A: So they won’t fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don’t, you get down from a duck.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because if it were small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

Q: What’s grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside-out elephant.

Q: What’s grey and not there?
A: No elephants.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and have the elephant stand on it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?
A: It doesn’t, it gets down from a duck.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait until autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: Why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four: two in the front and two in the back.

Q: How many elephants can you fit into a VW bug?
A: Four: two in the front and two in the back.

Q: How do you get an elephant in a VW bug?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, and close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: You can’t close the fridge door.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There’s a VW bug parked outside it.

Q: How do you get 8 elephants into a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, and put the two VWs in the fridge.

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn’t large enough to hold them all.

Q: The lion gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW bug.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don’t sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and a blueberry?
A: They’re both blue, except for the elephant.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the   hill?
A: Nothing, he didn’t recognize them.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas . . .

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why shouldn’t you go into the woods at 5 o’clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: What’s a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o’clock.

Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They can’t tell time.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.