Bullied and Heckled
Some kids at the park heckled me as I huffed and puffed my way around the park. They called me fatty. They yelled at me “ run fatty run”. Bullies. My first thought was to go over and grab them by the neck and choke the living shit out of them. My second thought was I have no energy or breath to hurt them And my third thought was of an alternative Forrest Gump scene with the 1975 white jumpsuit Elvis..Run Fatty Run! The boys got in trouble by the adults there anyway and that was very satisfying to me. HAHA so there. Can you believe it? Bullied by the 9 year olds, thought those days were long gone
Anyway today I am in a mood to laugh so I rounded up the following so we can have a giggle today. Happy Friday everyone.
Weight Loss Program
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me.”
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.”
“Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,”If I catch you, you are mine!!!”
He lost 63 pounds that week.
So does that mean that being part of the human race does not count as exercise?
The Garlic Diet:
You don’t lose weight, you just look thinner from a distance.
AND lastly my favorite giggle: